Sacred Friendship

By Laura Sweeney

When James was in second grade, he started to come home talking about a new friend he had named Jake.  As the year went on, he showered us with more and more playground tales, and eventually one day asked, “Mom, when can Jake come over?”

When he came over I immediately thought, “What an awesome kid.”  We quickly grew to love this vibrant, intelligent and very funny guy named Jake.  Even in second grade his sense of humor just truly made you laugh out loud.

Along the way, we started to meet the Boysels as the boys were shuttled between the houses for play dates.  This time we thought, “What an awesome family.”  Karen and Jim are such gentle, caring, respectful, and accepting people.   Karen is the kind of mom who not only takes Jake to the midnight opening of movies like Harry Potter, but also offers to take his friends too.  She is the kind of mom who says camping just with Jake would be fun, and then actually does it.  As the boys grew older, they started to go surfing with Stuart, my husband, and Jim.  Stuart would always come home saying he wished he could be more like Jim – nurturing, full of positive comments, and just so patient. The Boysel’s home is always overflowing with love, kindness, and a deep appreciation of the gifts of children.  So it comes as no surprise that Jake and Sam were such kind, loving, and fun boys.

Even at a young age, Jake was so thankful for everything; Thankful for the big things like his family and friends, and thankful for the small things like a good book, a sunny day, and a fresh batch of snicker-doodles.  Recently I purchased an air mattress specifically for sleepovers.  He was so appreciative you would have thought it was a feather bed.

Anytime Jake came to our house it was actually hard for him to physically get through the front door.  My children were so excited to see him that they all started talking to him at once in the doorway, even the dog joined into the greeting.  Jake had such a big heart that he accepted it all with a laugh and never left anyone out including me.  He loved each and every one of us for who we were and exactly as we were, with no changes needed.  With his unconditional love came his fun and the laughter.  It was that special kind of laughter that comes from good clean fun when everyone is included and nothing in the house is getting broken.  There never were arguments because Jake would call time out if anyone was at a disadvantage and quickly change the rules for them.

James and Jake had a really wonderful special friendship.  The three words ‘me’, ‘and’, ‘Jake’ were said so often at our house a visitor might mistake it for one word.  ‘Me‘n Jake’ seemed to start every story. They talked each other into trying new things either with sports, books or games.  They were always there for each other, when those things were harder than they had expected.

They were so close it never surprised me they were born only two days apart, which allowed for some very fun combined birthday celebrations.  When they were together it was like two kids interlocked.  It was sometimes hard to tell which part was James and which part was Jake.  It seemed like no matter what they were doing, they were always laughing.  Sometimes so much so I had to ban them from wherever I was.  They were just so incredibly loud and having way too much fun, it was impossible for me to think straight.  Their creative imaginations made swimming, water gun fights, and LEGO building last for hours.  Eavesdropping through the window, I would laugh at all the funny things they would say.  They were little kids playing little kid games, but had these huge vocabularies.  The contrast created some pretty hilarious commentary.

It was on one particular play date this summer when I realized that they were growing up.  Instead of running around they were sitting outside in two big chairs drinking water and eating pretzels.   I laughed as I watched them from the kitchen because they looked like two old men with their gesturing hands, their loud hearty laughs and they had been out there for over an hour just thoroughly enjoying each other as if they had all the time in the world.

Suddenly that changed.  All to tragically, Jake was taken from all of us.  With his parting the magic of their friendship was shattered.  But what can’t be taken from us is our memories, and he lives in us through those memories. 

 Jake is a part of us now because we loved him so.  He has taught us how to appreciate how special our children’s relationships are, how to be a good friend to everyone and how to hold your friends close.  We need to always remember his laughter so it can heal our grief.  His death has left us in a life we don’t just recognize and can’t comprehend.  Nothing in our life has prepared us for this or how we should move forward.  My suspicion is he would say to move forward with your friends, love and laugh often with them. I will try to always honor his life by remembering the many things Jake taught me especially about the power of friendship.